Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Cock on the Loose


My new obsession is sitting around thinking about everyone I'd like to fuck with Brooke Hogan's dick. It would be like a public service.

How could it not be the most gorgeously perfect thing on Earth?!

Golden to the point of being almost cast from actual gold, with a perma-shimmer that's not quite bronzer, not quite glitter.

HUGE. Tall, thick (those two should go without saying, but I said it), maniacally straight, veinless. Majestic. Eugenic.
Fat plum (only in resemblance, NOT color!) of a head that makes the perfect cartoon popping sound when pulled out of anything (and everything). Could be mistaken for a dildo if it were not sooo, soooooo real.

Just the base is encircled by the softest tufts of white-blond down, for petting and nuzzling. And envying.

Shoots fountains of only the pearliest uber-jizz of the most desirable consistency. Not too sticky, not stringy, with countless untold health benefits (but much speculated to include anti-cellulite properties, and definitely what the Hulk was rubbing under her bikini bottom in those scorching porno pics). Pina Colada or Cocoa Butter.


I want to rub Brooke's impossibly rigid cock all over my big titties. And wrestle it with both hands and sing karaoke into it. Get all intense, point at it, call it 'Brother' and tell it it's going down (right before I do).

I want to reward and punish my friends and enemies with Brooke's golden hulking Miami dick of the Gods.


Wednesday, September 3, 2008

TV is King

I wish I was the man with the mechanical heart
I'd conquer all my enemies alone
I'd tear the guys apart
then scatter the pieces

I wish I was the man in the soundproof booth
I wish I had a chance to stump the band
or maybe tell truth
and maybe I could win a color television

I really love my--television
I love to sit by--television
Can't live without my--television

TV is king
You're my everything

I wish I had the girl with the bouncy hair
We'd ride off in a brand new car
or fly a plane somewhere
like probably Jamaica

I brush my teeth, shampoo my
hair, and shave my face
Apply the necessary aerosol
in the appropriate place
And we'll spend the night
together watching television

I can't turn off my--television
Don't really know why--television
I understand my--television

You got your works in a drawer
and your color's on track
You have to break away but you always come back
You make a hundred changes but
you're always the same
You make me so excited and you make me so lame
You're just a tube full of gas
and a box full of tin
But you show me your charms and I want to jump in
Oh if only your chassis was covered with skin
'Cause TV you're my everything

I really love my--television
I love to sit by--television
Can't live without my--television
I can't turn off my--television
Don't really know why--television
I understand my--television
I really love my--television

TV is king
You're my everything
TV is king


I do a lot of work from home.

I always have a TV on. My first few months in Chicago, I bounced between two channels that would give me about 5 hours of Jerry Springer, Steve Wilkos, Maury, Montel and Tyra. They served me well, but I had to move on.

TiVO & On Demand were (and ARE) delightful, but required too much attention for work watching.

I discovered and fully surrendered to classic TV: Chicago's meTV (WWME) & meTOO (WMEU) channels provide 'round the clock reminders of why I know more about Shotz Brewery than state capitals.

I geeked out to Johnny Sokko just this morning.

25 Reasons to love meTV:

21 Jump Street, All in the Family, Bewitched, The Brady Bunch, Cheers, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Get Smart, Good Times, Hawaii 5-0, Hogan's Heros, The Honeymooners, I Dream of Jeannie, The Jeffersons, Kojak, Laverne & Shirley, Leave it to Beaver, Mary Tyler Moore, Night Gallery, One Day at a Time, Quantum Leap, Quincy, Rockford Files, Sanford & Son, Svengoolie, The Twilight Zone.

A crazy ridiculous number of reasons to love meTOO:

The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet, The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Batman, The Brady Bunch (I'll take some overlap), Buck Rogers, Burns & Allen, Carson's Comedy Classics, Eight is Enough, The Facts of Life, Family Affair, Family Ties, Gidget, Gilligan's Island, Gimme a Break, Gomer Pyle, Greatest American Hero, Green Acres, Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew, I Love Lucy, The Incredible Hulk, Jack Benny, Johnny Sokko, Knight Rider, Laverne & Shirley, Little House on the Prairie, The Little Rascals, Lost in Space, Love American Style, The Lucy Show, The Monkees, Mork & Mindy, Mr. Ed, The Munsters, News Radio, Night Gallery, The Outer Limits, The Patty Duke Show, The Partridge Family, Saved by the Bell, Silver Spoons, Square Pegs, The Twilight Zone, The Twilight Zone Hour, Webster.


Plus, they play vintage commercials and a modern (ish?) spot featuring Sean Astin for BoysTown USA.
Talk about Classic TV royalty!

Which brings up a good point: where the fuck is the Addams' Family?